Orphan
by mlw217
Summary: One-shot. After Emma and Snow's conversation about being an orphan.


Orphan

Disclaimer: I don't own Once Upon A Time.

The night was cold and the air was thick as Emma breathed it in. She prepared her makeshift bed silently, tucking her hair behind her ears as it fell into her face. Orphan. Is that who she was? That was the thing she'd been denying? Emma had believed it was the whole savior thing she was supposed to accept, but she'd been looking at the surface. Her identity as an orphan had been suppressed; buried underneath layers of abandonment issues, doubt, fear, fairytale characters, Henry, Storybrooke, and finally Mary Margaret and David. Having the knowledge that these two people were the same ones who sent her to another world when she was born was completely different from believing and feeling like they were her Mom and Dad. Even thinking those endearing names felt wrong. But they weren't her Mom and Dad. That would imply that they had raised her, taken care of her, and been there for her. They weren't. The disconnect between knowledge and belief was a chasm she couldn't cross and no matter how much Emma wanted to let her parents in, she couldn't take the risk of getting hurt. They would leave her again. Everyone left her. Emma was alone...the only one she could count on was herself. But then there was Henry. The perfect little boy who'd turned her life upside-down in the best possible way. She had done the same thing to him that her parents had done to her. How could she still be so angry? And did this mean that Henry hadn't forgiven her either? Before she could fall deeper into the hole of uncertainties and regrets, Mary Margaret's voice pulled her out of her head.

"Goodnight, Emma." Her voice was small and genuine, but guarded. Her eyes were hesitant and Emma turned around and met her gaze from across the camp. She could tell that their conversation about being an orphan had made Mary Margaret pull away out of fear. Emma pursed her lips and longed to apologize; to do anything that would take away the hurt in her mother's eyes. But she only sent a small smile in return and reciprocated the 'goodnight'. Disappointment was clear on Mary Margaret's face and Emma watched David subtly console his wife, putting a hand on the small of her back as he guided her to their designated sleeping area. David cast an unreadable look in her direction—was it disappointment or was it longing? And she sat down, putting her head in her hands. 'Great', she thought. 'Just great'. Tears burned in her eyes but she refused to let them go. Instead, she laid down and turned in the opposite direction of her "parents" and closed her eyes, not getting a wink of sleep the entire night.

By the time morning came, Emma felt weak and fatigued and emotionally spent. When she heard signs that everyone was waking up, she got up wordlessly and packed her things, ready to start finding her son again. Even though her eyes were watering from the lack of sleep, she pushed it aside, focusing all of her remaining energy on the journey ahead of them. Regina was packing at the same pace and they ended up waiting for everyone else together. Emma was in no mood to deal with Regina's bad attitude and decided to avoid even looking in her direction.

"I don't think she slept..." Snow whispered as she pushed the blanket further into her bag to make room for Charming's things. Charming glanced over his shoulder to a very weary-looking Emma and back at his wife who looked extremely conflicted and concerned.

"I know you want to be there for her but you can't force it, Snow. Let her come to you." Charming whispered, brushing his thumb over her cheek, smiling sympathetically at her as he took the bag out of her grasp to finish packing.

"You know how stubborn she is...She'd rather suffer in silence than ask anyone for help. Especially us." Snow frowned, crossing her arms. Hook had now joined the two silent women and looked very uncomfortable.

"I know. But she has to want this as much as we do. Be patient, she'll come around. We should probably go over there before Regina takes Hook's head off." Charming gave Snow a crooked smile like he wouldn't mind the dismemberment of the one-handed pirate and chuckled when Snow cracked a smile of her own. They walked arm in arm to the awkwardly silent group and glanced in between their three companions, waiting.

"Some of us woke up on the wrong side of the bed..." Hook muttered, making a face. Regina shot him a murderous look and Emma didn't even acknowledge the pirate had said anything at all. Snow and Charming exchanged a troubled look before Charming spoke up.

"Okay...well we should get going. Let's keep heading in the same direction." Regina nodded and Hook picked up his things while Emma silently followed suit, letting Charming lead the way. Snow furrowed her brow and physically forced herself to stay where she was so she wouldn't "smother" Emma with the enormous amounts of worry she was feeling.

Emma took a sip of her water and trudged after Hook and David, fully aware that Mary Margaret was taking up the rear. About an hour into their trek of the island, Emma realized that Mary Margaret had begun walking beside her instead of a few feet behind her. She didn't know if this was purposeful, to get her to talk, or if her exhaustion had slowed her to the point that Mary Margaret could no longer stay behind her. Emma went with the former, giving herself a little credit.

"Hey." Emma decided to talk first, feeling like a little kid who was asking for forgiveness without actually saying the words. She felt Mary Margaret's eyes on her but she didn't meet her peering glance. She just stared at her feet, chewing on the inside of her cheek.

"Hey." Snow returned, holding back a slightly amused smile at her daughter's tone. There was a silence and Snow bit her tongue so she wouldn't speak. Charming's 'let her come to you' advice was echoing in her mind and she resolved to follow it.

"I'm sorry." It was a strained, low apology but Snow had no trouble hearing it. This time when Snow glanced at her daughter, her head tilted to the side in confusion, Emma was looking at her. It looked like the apology tasted bad in her mouth. They continued walking, taking a slower pace than before.

"For what?" Snow whispered, unsure of what Emma was apologizing for.

"For what I said. How I've been acting. You don't deserve that." Emma stared at the ground as they walked side by side, matching each other's steps.

"I understand." Snow said, her voice muffled by the wind blowing through the trees. She glanced ahead at their companions before focusing her attention on her daughter again.

"No..." Emma shook her head and kicked a rock, looking incredulously at her mother. "You can't just 'understand' me acting like a petulant child and treating you like crap. I don't get off that easily. Before you or I knew what our relationship was..." Emma paused, avoiding the words: Mom or Daughter. "We were best friends. You're my best friend. And I should never treat you that way. No matter what happened, you don't deserve that." Tears were shining in Emma's eyes and Snow resisted the urge to grab her hand or console her with a hug. Instead, she stopped walking, waiting for Emma to do the same. Her eyes were fiercely fixed on her daughter, emotions welling up quickly.

"Listen to me, I cannot begin to comprehend what you've been through...and I can never forgive myself for all of those years." Snow looked haunted and Emma averted her eyes, emotions becoming too much. "Right now, you have to wrap your mind around a lot of things. And I understand that you're going to get angry with me and say things that maybe you don't mean. But maybe you do mean them. And that's how we'll get through this. I need to know how you feel...even if it's unpleasant, and especially if it hurts. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. No matter what happens...what is said...I will always love you and I will never leave you. You need to understand that." Snow's eyes were swimming and her heart broke when Emma couldn't bring herself to look up at her. It killed her that she'd never known this kind of love in her life. Ever. And that Snow, herself was the reason for all of the emotional pain and the fact her walls were so high and fortified. Snow watched as Emma brought a hand to her face, wiping away the tears. She watched her daughter fighting against the hurt flowing through her and brushed away a few of her own tears. Finally, Emma looked up, her red-rimmed eyes wavering.

"How can you say that?" Emma looked so young and broken and Snow couldn't prevent herself from grabbing her in a strong embrace. Tears flowed freely from both women's eyes and Snow gritted her teeth, running her hand over Emma's blonde locks.

"Because you're my daughter. And I love you more than anything in the world. I will say it as many times as it takes for you to believe it." Snow's heart was clenched tightly, feeling Emma's shoulders shake in her arms. Emma didn't say anything. She just held onto her mother, a glimmer of hope in her eyes. Could someone truly feel these things for her? Could someone really love her unconditionally? She'd never experienced it before, so she had nothing to compare this against...but it sure felt real.


End file.
